People change...everyday things happen that words just cant explain and still you try... when the time finally comes where you're too tired to keep trying and you dont accept it, but you just leave it be....things change yet again.
Sometimes you can do something which at the time....in the moment seems like it's alright, or that it should be done but then after the fact you just cant believe you did it...like WTF?
yeah, i've changed... i used to think everything through ...to the point where I'd think too much. Now, I dont think enough...I just do. See, I've come to realize that time is never on our side...when you want it, it's not there ...when you just want it to go by, it crawls.
Lately it seems like i have been getting into situations that when I dont know how to get out of right away...if at all. nothing serious in the sense that my life is in danger but still serious that i'm affected by things that i do. I dont know why, I thought it was just a shift in how I was thinking...and that I was just adjusting to not being soo careful. but now i'm not so sure...
see, i do believe that things that happen are gonna happen whether we want them to or not...they are set out and will occur. Even so...I can't understand them, the relevance they have etc. it's just sooo confusing.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Thursday, November 02, 2006
reminiscing... :(
... I have soo much more time on my hands yet it's taken til now to update the blog, lol.
Yesterday was all saint's day and today is supposedly all souls day... doesnt mean much unless you follow traditions etc.
Anyway, in tnt...on Nov. 1st is the day for it. All souls is also known as 'lighting up' in tnt. It's a day to dedicated to remembering loved ones who have passed on.. during the day, ppl go to the graves of their loved ones - see there you're responsible for upkeeping the grave and all that. At night ppl light candles and place it at the site. There are a lot of different opinions as to why this is done but the significance of all souls is the belief that on that day the soul of the deceased may visit their home and the light is like a beacon or guide.
I haven't been involved in anything to do with all souls so all that I know is from what i've been told.
Even so, I thought it was time to go back to Ryan's grave. After class yesterday I went up to the cemetery.... I haven't been there for some months, so it felt good to go back.
I believe in an afterlife and as such I know that Ryan's not there in the cemetery but that's where his grave is...it's a link to him and that's why I go there.
Ppl say that cemeteries are scary places but I was there alone yesterday and I was just anxious, not afraid. I couldn't wait to tell him about everything going on, tell him how much I miss him and how things really have not been the same without him but when I was there, kneeling in front of the stone....I couldnt find the right words.
It's been 7 years and I still dont want to believe it. Everyday I think about him, and maybe if it turned out differently he'd be here, things would be different...they'd be good.
There have been good times but since then, nothing really matters like before. I constantly think about when gr. 10 started...nothing was the same after that summer and trying to get back to an old routine was so hard. I learned early that life isn't always what you want it to be but that's just how things go sometimes.
I always think about the past...even more since going to Ryan's grave... keep thinking how I've never really been able to do the same with Jen. Reminiscing isn't bad...but it's not easy. I know time has passed and everyone says things get easier with time but it's not that it gets easier, just time may impact your ability to recall the details. That's why it may seem easier but in the end if you dont have memories what do you have?
Ryan Gonnella 08.01.99
Jen Xao 11.22.99
.....
missed, loved, gone but never forgotten.
Yesterday was all saint's day and today is supposedly all souls day... doesnt mean much unless you follow traditions etc.
Anyway, in tnt...on Nov. 1st is the day for it. All souls is also known as 'lighting up' in tnt. It's a day to dedicated to remembering loved ones who have passed on.. during the day, ppl go to the graves of their loved ones - see there you're responsible for upkeeping the grave and all that. At night ppl light candles and place it at the site. There are a lot of different opinions as to why this is done but the significance of all souls is the belief that on that day the soul of the deceased may visit their home and the light is like a beacon or guide.
I haven't been involved in anything to do with all souls so all that I know is from what i've been told.
Even so, I thought it was time to go back to Ryan's grave. After class yesterday I went up to the cemetery.... I haven't been there for some months, so it felt good to go back.
I believe in an afterlife and as such I know that Ryan's not there in the cemetery but that's where his grave is...it's a link to him and that's why I go there.
Ppl say that cemeteries are scary places but I was there alone yesterday and I was just anxious, not afraid. I couldn't wait to tell him about everything going on, tell him how much I miss him and how things really have not been the same without him but when I was there, kneeling in front of the stone....I couldnt find the right words.
It's been 7 years and I still dont want to believe it. Everyday I think about him, and maybe if it turned out differently he'd be here, things would be different...they'd be good.
There have been good times but since then, nothing really matters like before. I constantly think about when gr. 10 started...nothing was the same after that summer and trying to get back to an old routine was so hard. I learned early that life isn't always what you want it to be but that's just how things go sometimes.
I always think about the past...even more since going to Ryan's grave... keep thinking how I've never really been able to do the same with Jen. Reminiscing isn't bad...but it's not easy. I know time has passed and everyone says things get easier with time but it's not that it gets easier, just time may impact your ability to recall the details. That's why it may seem easier but in the end if you dont have memories what do you have?
Ryan Gonnella 08.01.99
Jen Xao 11.22.99
.....
missed, loved, gone but never forgotten.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
it's been a little while...
..but now i'm back, lol...
Lately I've been getting into situations i couldn't even think of myself ever being in...getting kicked outta class? lol ok, that was fun ... but not good.
then clubbing in t.o. i got kicked outta there....seriously WTF? that was just not me, dunno whyy it came to that but it's all good, can't change it now and it's all memories in the end. That nite was gooood times though even with all that happened :D
Been getting into a lot of trouble too... I say everything on my mind yet there's always some kind of respect when i do it....these days i could care less. It's not bad, but it's not good either because after everything's said and done, i dunno why it just doesnt change things and I feel guilty... THAT hasn't changed about me. NO matter how much i try I just can't get rid of that ...I still care about everything, even when it really doesn't matter & everyone , even when they dont seem to deserve it.
In philosophy class a couple weeks ago, the lecture was based on one statement...
If something happens now (in the present), it is because something in the past
made it happen.
sooo we really have no control over what we do, even if we think we do. We have choices, but the overall path we're on isn't for us to control, we follow it to achieve our goals thinking we're choosing it but really we are not....
soo then, i couldnt really avoid any of what happened, even if i tried...was it really supposed to be like this? it just doesnt seem right.
Lately I've been getting into situations i couldn't even think of myself ever being in...getting kicked outta class? lol ok, that was fun ... but not good.
then clubbing in t.o. i got kicked outta there....seriously WTF? that was just not me, dunno whyy it came to that but it's all good, can't change it now and it's all memories in the end. That nite was gooood times though even with all that happened :D
Been getting into a lot of trouble too... I say everything on my mind yet there's always some kind of respect when i do it....these days i could care less. It's not bad, but it's not good either because after everything's said and done, i dunno why it just doesnt change things and I feel guilty... THAT hasn't changed about me. NO matter how much i try I just can't get rid of that ...I still care about everything, even when it really doesn't matter & everyone , even when they dont seem to deserve it.
In philosophy class a couple weeks ago, the lecture was based on one statement...
If something happens now (in the present), it is because something in the past
made it happen.
sooo we really have no control over what we do, even if we think we do. We have choices, but the overall path we're on isn't for us to control, we follow it to achieve our goals thinking we're choosing it but really we are not....
soo then, i couldnt really avoid any of what happened, even if i tried...was it really supposed to be like this? it just doesnt seem right.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
22
I'm 22 now...lol
4th Oct. 84 -- special day in history right there :D
Tonite ...last nite...watever, my bday was some good times. Saw some ppl I hadn't seen in a while which was good. that was just a little part of it though.
My little cousins Sam, Chris and Tiff with guest appearance by DJ mask face lol took me out to dinner... that was cool, they're growing up so fast. We went to Triple A...some chinese buffet, really it wasnt the place that mattered but just being in their company, it meant a lot to me.
After that, went back up to their side...Bovaird & Brisdale :) Sam and Chris bought me a Choc. cake, they're so sweet.
After that, i had some good chillin times with my homie :D didn't really chill with him for a while, sooo that topped off my bday fun, it was jus simple....good times.
Definitely will not forget turning 22, leaving 21 behind....thanks cousins...special thanks to my homie LoL.
4th Oct. 84 -- special day in history right there :D
Tonite ...last nite...watever, my bday was some good times. Saw some ppl I hadn't seen in a while which was good. that was just a little part of it though.
My little cousins Sam, Chris and Tiff with guest appearance by DJ mask face lol took me out to dinner... that was cool, they're growing up so fast. We went to Triple A...some chinese buffet, really it wasnt the place that mattered but just being in their company, it meant a lot to me.
After that, went back up to their side...Bovaird & Brisdale :) Sam and Chris bought me a Choc. cake, they're so sweet.
After that, i had some good chillin times with my homie :D didn't really chill with him for a while, sooo that topped off my bday fun, it was jus simple....good times.
Definitely will not forget turning 22, leaving 21 behind....thanks cousins...special thanks to my homie LoL.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
oooooooh TROUBLE LoL
i swear i didnt' start it ...lol
I got kicked outta my lecture yesterday...wtf?? lol...for the first time in that class i sat 4th row centre and in the third row to my left there was this umm good looking boy sitting with a girl. They didnt look like they were together, jus like friends or watever...thats how i saw them lol.
anyyyway, this boy kept looking back and everytime the prof walked to the left of the room i looked at the boy, lol... at some point, i almost fell asleep and dropped my pen, and this guy leans over his row of seats and picks it up. when he gave it back, he wrote his name on my hand so i jus smiled at him and took back my pen... a couple mins later he leans back and asks my name soo i told him and the girl beside him gave me CUT EYE like i never saw before :S
watever, i didnt need any drama and the prof started sayin if anyone wanted to talk they could leave.... sooo i jus started takin notes again. ALL of a sudden, the girl turns around in her chair , catches the guy looking back at me and starts to cuss ME ?? Hellll nooo ...soo i looked at her and told her to behave. by that point the entire hall was staring at the three of us, girl, me and the boy ...the prof stopped talking and came over asking what was going on....NEVER been sooo embarrassed in a class but i had to play it offf soo i said i didnt know wat the girl was talking about. THIS girl decides to stand up and tell the lecture hall that i'm trying to take her man :
yeahh that did it... the guy stands up, telling everyone he's not her man he's single soo there's no stealing going on ...the prof had enough then and says "get out" , kicks the boy out and told ME to go tooo :S whyyy??? because WE disrupted the class...and the girl got to stay in because I caused her stress LoL....watever, in the end i walked away with his cell & he walked me to my next class making that stupid girl more 'stressed' -- she was soo psycho lol yeahh i dont set out to cause trouble but if i'm already in it, might as well make the most of it LOL
still, never thought I would get kicked out of a lecture ...esp for something soo stupid but i've learnt my lesson, sitting tooo close up front is never good. can't wait for the next class...fun times and good memories of my last dayyy being 21 :D
I got kicked outta my lecture yesterday...wtf?? lol...for the first time in that class i sat 4th row centre and in the third row to my left there was this umm good looking boy sitting with a girl. They didnt look like they were together, jus like friends or watever...thats how i saw them lol.
anyyyway, this boy kept looking back and everytime the prof walked to the left of the room i looked at the boy, lol... at some point, i almost fell asleep and dropped my pen, and this guy leans over his row of seats and picks it up. when he gave it back, he wrote his name on my hand so i jus smiled at him and took back my pen... a couple mins later he leans back and asks my name soo i told him and the girl beside him gave me CUT EYE like i never saw before :S
watever, i didnt need any drama and the prof started sayin if anyone wanted to talk they could leave.... sooo i jus started takin notes again. ALL of a sudden, the girl turns around in her chair , catches the guy looking back at me and starts to cuss ME ?? Hellll nooo ...soo i looked at her and told her to behave. by that point the entire hall was staring at the three of us, girl, me and the boy ...the prof stopped talking and came over asking what was going on....NEVER been sooo embarrassed in a class but i had to play it offf soo i said i didnt know wat the girl was talking about. THIS girl decides to stand up and tell the lecture hall that i'm trying to take her man :
yeahh that did it... the guy stands up, telling everyone he's not her man he's single soo there's no stealing going on ...the prof had enough then and says "get out" , kicks the boy out and told ME to go tooo :S whyyy??? because WE disrupted the class...and the girl got to stay in because I caused her stress LoL....watever, in the end i walked away with his cell & he walked me to my next class making that stupid girl more 'stressed' -- she was soo psycho lol yeahh i dont set out to cause trouble but if i'm already in it, might as well make the most of it LOL
still, never thought I would get kicked out of a lecture ...esp for something soo stupid but i've learnt my lesson, sitting tooo close up front is never good. can't wait for the next class...fun times and good memories of my last dayyy being 21 :D
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Went to Inside tonite...actually it was last nite, friday ...and now it's EARLY on saturday morning and i can't sleep, LoL. 4am...tired, but not sleepy enough to go to bed :S
Inside was sooo good ! Definitely had some good times, but there was some drama too. Lately seems like i've been gettin wrapped up in a lot of that wtf? well tonite it wasn't my fault...someone i know decided he had to act dotish and get on stupid and make an ass of himself...dunno how he's family ... ANYWAY, fam. or not, if they're stupid, they're stupid....i told him, he acted dumb ...we fought = drama in the club, lol. Oh well it had to be done, he was being stupid and tryin to dance up on one of MY friends ...told him not to do it...but he had to do it anyway....DUMB to say the least.
Watever...it's all good, done...i know he always does shit...sooo should have expected it...but something else i know is i dont take that from him sooo we were gonna clash at some pt. Too bad he's fam...now there's bad blood or whatever it is they say...?
arite no pt. in stressin over it, i would react the same way again...lol Inside was fun times though, and can't wait to go back next week :D
Inside was sooo good ! Definitely had some good times, but there was some drama too. Lately seems like i've been gettin wrapped up in a lot of that wtf? well tonite it wasn't my fault...someone i know decided he had to act dotish and get on stupid and make an ass of himself...dunno how he's family ... ANYWAY, fam. or not, if they're stupid, they're stupid....i told him, he acted dumb ...we fought = drama in the club, lol. Oh well it had to be done, he was being stupid and tryin to dance up on one of MY friends ...told him not to do it...but he had to do it anyway....DUMB to say the least.
Watever...it's all good, done...i know he always does shit...sooo should have expected it...but something else i know is i dont take that from him sooo we were gonna clash at some pt. Too bad he's fam...now there's bad blood or whatever it is they say...?
arite no pt. in stressin over it, i would react the same way again...lol Inside was fun times though, and can't wait to go back next week :D
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
bdays
Happy Birthday to a special friend ..she's 18 today, so young but legal now LOL.
Happy bday to Adrian too...i think its today, really its the thought that counts right? :) from ching to now..it's been time!
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
I don't fight...i'ma good girl but really, this is getting outta hand. there's one person and only one person I would say I am gonna fight and its this girl who had the audacity to cuss at ME in a club...for no reason at all (except that she's not me and never will be). THEN she decides to come chill outside my house ...talk to MY brother like wtf , you can't do that...there are rules in war yo. LoL... serious though, i walked outside and my brother tells me 'guess who's here?' with this devious look on his face. As soon as this girl sees me...she takes off like what? act all big and can't even say hello? Now that's just rude...i'm sure your MOM didn''t raise you like that. Yes, that's right, i said something about your mom what now? LoL.. I swear it's all b-town's fault i'm turning into who I am.
Dont get me wrong, i love btown, i'm not gangsta and I do not resort to violence like it would seem...lol u know, gotta let the truth be known.
Dont get me wrong, i love btown, i'm not gangsta and I do not resort to violence like it would seem...lol u know, gotta let the truth be known.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Private call
Last nite I got a call, dont know who it was...the call lasted just under a minute and i could hear background noise and the person breathing BUT just before the phone cut out it sounded like the person came closer to the phone about to say something..then the line went out. I dunno...it's been bugging me since then, couldn't sleep and usually that's not like me. It's just a phonecall, right? BUT I can't put it out of my mind....and you know when you think of everything complicated instead of thinking of the simple explanations? Yeah...well it's not good to think like that.
*if* this was a prank call and i find out who it was...i'll deal with it (dont think it was though, soo it's all good).
I worry a little bit too easily these days, lol.. and calls like that don't help. Can't do anything about it now but still, it's on my mind.
*if* this was a prank call and i find out who it was...i'll deal with it (dont think it was though, soo it's all good).
I worry a little bit too easily these days, lol.. and calls like that don't help. Can't do anything about it now but still, it's on my mind.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
not that sorry
If you know me, you know my family and my friends mean everything to me! ..my friends right now, i love them :D
I'm usually telling ppl that karma's gonna get them...yeah well karma's gonna get me and i know it will, just don't know when and/or how but i know it's coming LoL. this isn't usually how i am...but on this one occasion mannnn there was NO other way around it LoL
see...the other day I was supposed to go chill with a friend. I haven't been treating him well, been cancelling on him all the time and just not being nice but I couldn't be bothered because i've been busy...family, other friends and it's been hectic - yeah those are excuses but whatever.
See, the thing is for friendship to work there has to be some kinda common ground...like an understanding of the other person or something i dunno. I did feel bad, but I know that chillin with him is just gonna give him ideas he does not need to get. it would be soo diff. if he understood my take on things but he wants what I DONT...even so i'm nice to ppl soo i told him yea we could chill soo he took some time off work the other day and guess what i did??
I cancelled :| tell me you didn't see that coming? lol..
Heyyy I didn't make him take time off for me and I had good reason for cancelling too...
the nite before i had a dream, in this dream I was getting married --- to him :S wtf?!? hell no that was never gonna happen soo as soon as morning cleared i cancelled.
yeah yeah...i know, it's me vs. karma and the odds aren't good but i'll deal with it....if you had that dream you'd take your chances with karma too LOL.
I'm usually telling ppl that karma's gonna get them...yeah well karma's gonna get me and i know it will, just don't know when and/or how but i know it's coming LoL. this isn't usually how i am...but on this one occasion mannnn there was NO other way around it LoL
see...the other day I was supposed to go chill with a friend. I haven't been treating him well, been cancelling on him all the time and just not being nice but I couldn't be bothered because i've been busy...family, other friends and it's been hectic - yeah those are excuses but whatever.
See, the thing is for friendship to work there has to be some kinda common ground...like an understanding of the other person or something i dunno. I did feel bad, but I know that chillin with him is just gonna give him ideas he does not need to get. it would be soo diff. if he understood my take on things but he wants what I DONT...even so i'm nice to ppl soo i told him yea we could chill soo he took some time off work the other day and guess what i did??
I cancelled :| tell me you didn't see that coming? lol..
Heyyy I didn't make him take time off for me and I had good reason for cancelling too...
the nite before i had a dream, in this dream I was getting married --- to him :S wtf?!? hell no that was never gonna happen soo as soon as morning cleared i cancelled.
yeah yeah...i know, it's me vs. karma and the odds aren't good but i'll deal with it....if you had that dream you'd take your chances with karma too LOL.
time, thinking
Too much time to think can be a bad thing...today was not too much fun, had too much time on my hands, nothing to do so naturally I started to think about everything and anything just to pass the time.
It's said you shouldn't live life with regrets...just do what you wanna do. I don't think I have any regrets but if I could go back would I do things differently in some situations? I dunno because then I'd be admitting I had regrets right? wtf? see...that's what too much time does. Time is something that you can't criticize though...not enough time, that's not good.
That's why I 've come up with a new theory time for me...isn't time for someone else. It's not like it seems, nothing ever is. What I mean by it is ...to know someone well, time can't tell me that -- it's how much I know about them that can say something and they can show me that in an hour or a year but it depends on the the person...
My parents are Trini and growing up all i heard was how 'friends will take u but not bring you back' ...when i was younger i was like wtf? but now I know it means that you can put soo much faith in your friends but they may not be there like family for you when you really need them...they might be with you up until you get in trouble but wont' be with you to get you out of it.
I can't speak for everybody BUT i know not all...but i know there are a few friends I can turn to no matter what and i know they'll be there.
It's said you shouldn't live life with regrets...just do what you wanna do. I don't think I have any regrets but if I could go back would I do things differently in some situations? I dunno because then I'd be admitting I had regrets right? wtf? see...that's what too much time does. Time is something that you can't criticize though...not enough time, that's not good.
That's why I 've come up with a new theory time for me...isn't time for someone else. It's not like it seems, nothing ever is. What I mean by it is ...to know someone well, time can't tell me that -- it's how much I know about them that can say something and they can show me that in an hour or a year but it depends on the the person...
My parents are Trini and growing up all i heard was how 'friends will take u but not bring you back' ...when i was younger i was like wtf? but now I know it means that you can put soo much faith in your friends but they may not be there like family for you when you really need them...they might be with you up until you get in trouble but wont' be with you to get you out of it.
I can't speak for everybody BUT i know not all...but i know there are a few friends I can turn to no matter what and i know they'll be there.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Steve Irwin
RIP CROC HUNTER
Even though I didn't know him personally...he's the Croc. Hunter and just watching him on tv and knowing he's gone is surreal.
His life's work was conservation and hopefully people won't forget that.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Monday, August 21, 2006
my kyle
This is my baby cousin, Kyle. I love him soooo much - this was supposed to be our serious pose....
He rushed me, saying : Kell, don't smile in this one - PROMISE?? you CAN'T smile ok?
so, being the good cousin I am, i was like : arite, serious face k?
As soon as the flash went off...OMG this little boy started to giggle! It was soo cute, the memory alone is why I love this picture.
...like the stars, Kyle.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
umm what?
nooooooooooooo, LOL
woke up early...7 am ! and then went back to sleep. TIFF, what happened?
no cricket, no Sarwan? LoL..oh no, what now?
woke up early...7 am ! and then went back to sleep. TIFF, what happened?
no cricket, no Sarwan? LoL..oh no, what now?
Cricket..
I love cricket...I've been playing this game all my life! I swear everytime there's a family bbq in a park or whatever, we'll play one big game of cricket, lol. Everytime one of the girls goes up to bat, we'll keep saying bowl again or that wasn't fair until we hit it just far enough for the boys to say we did good :D
We've had some good times playing cricket...some memorable times. One time, we were in Niagara falls in this park we always seem to find and another family started to play cricket and they were trying to show off so my uncle went over to them, and asked them to join. That family, being somewhat civilized said "of course", they were from Pakistan..they started to play really hard and my uncle tried his best to look like a retard holding the bat, LOL. After a couple misses, they started to laugh at him and they were saying how they would teach him to play just like Pakistan taught the West Indies a lesson in their match....when they said that, my uncle with his saddistic intentions from the start started to hit for six with every damn ball that they bowled him. Let's just say the Pakistani's weren't too thrilled with being hustled and just stopped the game, and left speaking loudly in their language to each other while giving us all dirty looks. It was all good though, my uncle had a good laugh from it soo could't complain.
Can't forget the time my cousins and I played cricket in their front yard and dented the aluminum front window coverings on their neighbour's house...that man could run! lol we only just made it in the house before we heard him yelling bout his damn window and somebody damaging it, lol...the worst part is we left the cricket bats in the driveway and just ran heheh, such a bait out.
soooooooooo yeah...the real reason i'm thinking about cricket??
Ramnaresh Sarwan is in Canada - toronto, btown, scarb. he's here...
I'm not even gonna lie..he's the ONLY guyanese man i'll give up sleep for :)
LoL... honestly Sarwan has TALENT. Watching him play is worth it. He has skills, and when he's in his zone, i can't describe it. That's how good he is. I saw him play in the 20/20 match and although I wanted Trinidad to win, I couldn't deny that he had skills, and I knew Guyana would fight til the end.
NOW, here's the thing, my uncle Danny plays cricket on the weekends and later on today Sarwan's playing for one of the teams...he's helping them out so that they don't get kicked outta the league.
Soo with that in mind, i asked my uncle if I could go watch him play cricket this wknd, LOL. He saw right through it and asked what i want to go for..
Ummm he fully knows I wanna meet Sarwan.... lol, he didn't tell me but he already called his friends on the other teams and talked to them about. He set it up, but he likes to bug me sooo i know even when we're driving there he's still gonna be askin why I wanna go see the game.....and he knows it's all for Sarwan, lol.
I just hope that it doesn't rain cuz cricket and rain just don't mix and rain and long hair...the list just goes on and on.
arite, well seeing as these games tend to start early...i dunno what these men are thinking 7am?? wtf who wants to wake up then ? until evening time?? i mean yeah i dont mind watching the game ..or the ppl :D BUT still it's a long time!
I love cricket...LoL
We've had some good times playing cricket...some memorable times. One time, we were in Niagara falls in this park we always seem to find and another family started to play cricket and they were trying to show off so my uncle went over to them, and asked them to join. That family, being somewhat civilized said "of course", they were from Pakistan..they started to play really hard and my uncle tried his best to look like a retard holding the bat, LOL. After a couple misses, they started to laugh at him and they were saying how they would teach him to play just like Pakistan taught the West Indies a lesson in their match....when they said that, my uncle with his saddistic intentions from the start started to hit for six with every damn ball that they bowled him. Let's just say the Pakistani's weren't too thrilled with being hustled and just stopped the game, and left speaking loudly in their language to each other while giving us all dirty looks. It was all good though, my uncle had a good laugh from it soo could't complain.
Can't forget the time my cousins and I played cricket in their front yard and dented the aluminum front window coverings on their neighbour's house...that man could run! lol we only just made it in the house before we heard him yelling bout his damn window and somebody damaging it, lol...the worst part is we left the cricket bats in the driveway and just ran heheh, such a bait out.
soooooooooo yeah...the real reason i'm thinking about cricket??
Ramnaresh Sarwan is in Canada - toronto, btown, scarb. he's here...
I'm not even gonna lie..he's the ONLY guyanese man i'll give up sleep for :)
LoL... honestly Sarwan has TALENT. Watching him play is worth it. He has skills, and when he's in his zone, i can't describe it. That's how good he is. I saw him play in the 20/20 match and although I wanted Trinidad to win, I couldn't deny that he had skills, and I knew Guyana would fight til the end.
NOW, here's the thing, my uncle Danny plays cricket on the weekends and later on today Sarwan's playing for one of the teams...he's helping them out so that they don't get kicked outta the league.
Soo with that in mind, i asked my uncle if I could go watch him play cricket this wknd, LOL. He saw right through it and asked what i want to go for..
Ummm he fully knows I wanna meet Sarwan.... lol, he didn't tell me but he already called his friends on the other teams and talked to them about. He set it up, but he likes to bug me sooo i know even when we're driving there he's still gonna be askin why I wanna go see the game.....and he knows it's all for Sarwan, lol.
I just hope that it doesn't rain cuz cricket and rain just don't mix and rain and long hair...the list just goes on and on.
arite, well seeing as these games tend to start early...i dunno what these men are thinking 7am?? wtf who wants to wake up then ? until evening time?? i mean yeah i dont mind watching the game ..or the ppl :D BUT still it's a long time!
I love cricket...LoL
Saturday, August 19, 2006
?
if there are billions of ppl in this world, isn't it only logical that family and friends be there for each other? what's up with all the drama and beef, yo? lol, I don't understand young kids these days, lol. Don't get me wrong I'm not so innocent myself, if someone starts something stupid but insists on getting in the way of my family / friends well-being then i will step in....but i'm a very rational person. I'm not always looking for a fight. i'd rather settle it without the violence u know?
The only thing that really does set me off is seeing someone I care about not happy. Worse yet if someone else makes them that way...then that's the feeling i hate most in the world and I just can't take that...seeing fam/friends like that or knowing they're going through something like that. That's something I can't sit back and just let go. I'll do anything to make sure those closest to me are alright and it doesn't matter what I have to go through as long as they're good.
There are those few people who I will under ANY circumstances whether they are right or wrong do anything for...if you know me, you know i'm not a fighter, but for them, yeahh i would try LoL.
That's just who I am...gotta stand for something or fall for anything right?
The only thing that really does set me off is seeing someone I care about not happy. Worse yet if someone else makes them that way...then that's the feeling i hate most in the world and I just can't take that...seeing fam/friends like that or knowing they're going through something like that. That's something I can't sit back and just let go. I'll do anything to make sure those closest to me are alright and it doesn't matter what I have to go through as long as they're good.
There are those few people who I will under ANY circumstances whether they are right or wrong do anything for...if you know me, you know i'm not a fighter, but for them, yeahh i would try LoL.
That's just who I am...gotta stand for something or fall for anything right?
Friday, August 18, 2006
August.19.06
Tomorrow is an important day for some very important people I know... There's this test they've all been studying for and stressing over for a LONG time now and tomorrow is the day when they all go in and show what they're made of , LOL.
I know they'll be good. I do not doubt this because I've known these important people for so long now. I know they have skills and those skills will get them through this BUT you see, with any big test it's 'normal' to feel some kinda pressure sooo I just want to let them know I'm thinking of them and hoping they do the best that they possibly can.
GOOD LUCK & SMILE :D
Love, Kelly
I know they'll be good. I do not doubt this because I've known these important people for so long now. I know they have skills and those skills will get them through this BUT you see, with any big test it's 'normal' to feel some kinda pressure sooo I just want to let them know I'm thinking of them and hoping they do the best that they possibly can.
GOOD LUCK & SMILE :D
Love, Kelly
Thursday, July 27, 2006
What I did today...
I was in a bad mood today, lol. To start off, i didn't sleep well last nite - that's really the worst thing to go through for me because i love my sleep!
Stayed home, cleaned the house and just didn't do much of anything. I was supposed to go into work at 5 but caught a vapse and at 1230 I went in and quit. Just like that it was all over. I wasn't sad that I wouldn't be working there anymore...honestly I had enough. Sooo yeah, now i'm unemployed and looking for another job.
That's the way it goes sometimes...I like change. When things just stay the same for too long, it becomes too routine :(
Atleast now i'll have time for the blog, LoL.
Stayed home, cleaned the house and just didn't do much of anything. I was supposed to go into work at 5 but caught a vapse and at 1230 I went in and quit. Just like that it was all over. I wasn't sad that I wouldn't be working there anymore...honestly I had enough. Sooo yeah, now i'm unemployed and looking for another job.
That's the way it goes sometimes...I like change. When things just stay the same for too long, it becomes too routine :(
Atleast now i'll have time for the blog, LoL.
i'm sorry
It's just a word, but right now it's all I can say to show you that I realise I was wrong. You told me think twice but I couldn't see as far as you could. I know now but it's already passed. I didn't want to think things would happen like this, but they did and I am sorry.
When things happen ppl have soo many lines... things happen for a reason, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, not knowing is far worse...the list goes on and on.
I know you'll see this, and maybe this will help ease things. Maybe I was the wrong one, but I stand by my decision...dont think I put you last, it wasn't like that.
I was stubborn. I know this now but it doesn't change much. The last conversation we had was just not good at all. Walking away was hard, but it was what I had to do.
I dont like this tension, been through too much to leave it like that but if things have to be like this then there's nothing more I can do.
Just wanted you to know..and this was the only way.
Work
It gives me something to focus on, and when I get paid it seems all worth it. But sometimes all is not as it seems, lol.
I really want to quit my job... it's lost it's luster, I don't feel like I'm doing anything worthwhile and really I just can't understand why I'm still there.
Every shift i have, I just dont' feel like going in...
I made up my mind to quit 2 weeks ago, but somehow it didn't happen. LoL...i thought i'd be fine working til school started back but now I know I can't deal with this job anymore. Too bad I have a shift tomorrow evening. I know it's right to give two weeks notice soo i'll have to stick it out for a little while longer. I honestly have no clue how i'm gonna do that but i'll get through it somehow. Atleast i think i will ... would it be soo bad if I just quit, no two weeks notice?? Because that really would be the best thing for me, really really dont like it there :S
I really want to quit my job... it's lost it's luster, I don't feel like I'm doing anything worthwhile and really I just can't understand why I'm still there.
Every shift i have, I just dont' feel like going in...
I made up my mind to quit 2 weeks ago, but somehow it didn't happen. LoL...i thought i'd be fine working til school started back but now I know I can't deal with this job anymore. Too bad I have a shift tomorrow evening. I know it's right to give two weeks notice soo i'll have to stick it out for a little while longer. I honestly have no clue how i'm gonna do that but i'll get through it somehow. Atleast i think i will ... would it be soo bad if I just quit, no two weeks notice?? Because that really would be the best thing for me, really really dont like it there :S
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Ryan Gonnella
I can't sleep...keep thinking bout days gone by and just can't stop the reminiscing tonite. Three friends gone, still hurts...can't describe it but it's not good. I know it's pointless to ask why and i'd like to think I believe that all things happen for a reason soo I've stopped asking why. Now, I'm past that...but i can't see myself getting over the guilt. I'm here and they're not - how is that right? I dont know.
Lately Ryan's been on my mind..everything reminds me in some way of him. I had a dream and it felt like I was living through his funeral all over again. I remember how he looked, dressed in his soccer uniform...I just wanted him to wake up.
The hardest part was when I was at the viewing...his Grandma saw how afraid i was to move from his side and she asked me if I still thought he was cute. Those words shattered me and I didn't even know what was real anymore.
Seven Years this year and it still makes me cry. People say time heals the pain..it doesn't heal, just becomes more like an acceptance that you can't change it, you have to live with it.
I still miss him, and know I will til my end. I know I'll see him again though and really that's what drives me.
Every first day of school, every special event in my life I think of how it would be if Ryan was still here. Nobody knows just how much I would give just to have had 5 mins more with him.
That's why I am the way I am..I dont' waste time..it's not guaranteed. Nothing in this life is guaranteed except death.
I've lost too many people I care about, so when I see people hesitate to live life the way they want to, or to say things they're holding inside I cannot understand it. Maybe I don't want to understand but if life is so short, why let time go?
it's crazy to think this was all set off by seeing a picture...but it's so true a picture really is worth a thousand words :)
<<>>
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Happy 22nd
I'm prob. a lil bit late....but jus wanted to say Happy Birthday to a very special friend! umm 6 letters, starts with a K..ends with R -- Happy birthday!
Ki's bday
arite...soo it's jus past 4am and really I can't sleep. Tonight was Ki's annual bday celebration, but see those plans ended soo early! wtf...it's like things were off from the start, lol -- the limo was LATE, then when we got in...lets jus say Ki went a lil bit over his limit and we got kicked out :|
It's the first time i was kicked out of a club...prob. wont be the last but I was really really looking forward to clubbin tonite. Right now I have a headache...u know, the juice can do that LoL... too tired to write more, not tired enough to be sleepy :S
I didn't even get to wine up on anything! lol...Ki, this year your task is to build up resistance!!
Happy Birthday...hope u remember something, lol.
It's the first time i was kicked out of a club...prob. wont be the last but I was really really looking forward to clubbin tonite. Right now I have a headache...u know, the juice can do that LoL... too tired to write more, not tired enough to be sleepy :S
I didn't even get to wine up on anything! lol...Ki, this year your task is to build up resistance!!
Happy Birthday...hope u remember something, lol.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
feels like yesterday...
I was born in Trinidad...and growing up, all my aunts and uncles moved to Canada one by one. Only 2 of my mom's sisters stayed in TnT...my aunt Gemma was like my second mother, lol. Her kids, my cousins Kevin and Belinda grew up with my brother and I. We were always together, getting into trouble etc. We had some of the best times together - we used to pretend we were the four ninja turtles, lol. Trust me, we got enough licks when we tried to jump and roll down the staircase like the ninja turtles did BUT it was always good times. No matter what, we would find something stupid to amuse us and even if we only had a styrofoam cup, we were good.
See, we used to poke out holes for eyes and a big mouth in the cup and then chase each other around with it...we were scared of how the face on the cup looked, lol.
Anyway...when I went to TnT last month, I spent some good times with my cousins and I wouldn't trade the old times for anything.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Rest in Peace
I didn't know Shastri for too long...I always used to see him on my cousin's street, jus chillin and playing music loud. About two months ago I started to work with him and even though it wasn't a long time I knew right away that he was unique. I've never met someone so good. He was always smiling, making people smile. Whenever I had to work he'd always make the day better. I'm in trinidad right now..I flew in on thursday and as soon as I stepped off the plane i found out that Shastri passed away. Nothing felt real...I kept thinking it was a bad joke. When it turned out to be true, I prayed to God I heard wrong. I still can't believe it. I keep crying because I can't understand it. I thought i'd see him soon.. now I just don't feel like being in tnt. I don't wanna do anything, I just wanna come back home and pay my respects...be with everyone.
Shastri, you were unlike any other...nothing could take away from the good you did. I keep thinking about the last couple times I saw you...working in the back room you were singing, so happy even though you were as tired as everyone else...then the last time I saw you - that day before you left for tnt. You definitely touched so many lives and nothing will be the same without you. You were taken too soon and will forever be missed and loved.
Memories will stay in our hearts and minds, you'll never be forgotten.
A good friend told me that although it's difficult times, we shouldn't cry too much but instead we should pray for him so that his soul may be lighter as he continues on his journey.
Rest in Peace.
--Kelly
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Shastri, you were unlike any other...nothing could take away from the good you did. I keep thinking about the last couple times I saw you...working in the back room you were singing, so happy even though you were as tired as everyone else...then the last time I saw you - that day before you left for tnt. You definitely touched so many lives and nothing will be the same without you. You were taken too soon and will forever be missed and loved.
Memories will stay in our hearts and minds, you'll never be forgotten.
A good friend told me that although it's difficult times, we shouldn't cry too much but instead we should pray for him so that his soul may be lighter as he continues on his journey.
Rest in Peace.
--Kelly
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Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Letter
This is a letter to the Trinidad papers from Shastri's Father.
To my fellow Trinidadians
Many times, being busy with our normal lives we do not take the time to analyze the day to day importance of living. For me that ended Thursday May 11, 2006 with the death of my only son. I am certainly not the first grieving parent in Trinidad to lose a child to a car accident and poor healthcare but it never hits you until it happen to you.
Not all the facts of my son’s accident are fully understood as of yet, but this is what we do know for sure. The paramedic told my son not to dirty her shirt. Family members to remove valuables because they will be stolen. There was no assessment of the injured, which lead to a delay for my son. The Mount Hope Medical Complex doctor did not speak English and was non-responsive to family questions. Comments that the Doctor was just “shipped in from the Congo” were heard. The hospital personnel told my 17-year-old daughter to hook her own brother to oxygen and connect an IV. Hospital security staff instead of watching the hospital entrance found it more interesting to watch my son scream and die.
When my daughter tried to get additional medical help, the operator told her that “she better hope the connection works” because this is your last operator assisted telephone call. The operator told my daughter that she should have a cell telephone for times like this.
The reason I am writing to you today is to ask each of you to let my son be the last victim of our current system. Between un-enforced speeding, drinking and driving, road rage, poor medical response and slow unprepared trauma support in our hospitals to doctor’s and nurses who fail to practice the one common thread throughout the world of medicine, which is to “do no harm” and save lives. Not acting is the same as doing harm. To say that Trinidad killed my son would not be far from the truth.
My son would be alive today if his accident took place in Canada, the United States, or another Modern City. In Trinidad, you must accept whatever you get. Air lifting a critically injured patient is common practice with professionally trained and equipped staff waiting to offer immediate live saving care. In an emergency, the medical profession does not require permission to keep someone alive or to wait until he begins spitting up blood to consider internal injuries.
In my son’s case. My own daughter was removed from the hospital for trying to insist the staff of Mount Hope Medical Complex do something for my son screaming in agony. They performed a x-ray to ensure a leg was broken but somehow failed to consider internal injuries until he started bleeding from his mouth. I was there so I know.
There have been excuses, explanations offered, and confusion with this or that, but in the end due to no action, I have lost my only son. His death must have meaning and I can accept his sacrifice if we as a country can join the modern world and fix the important issues facing us. Is there anything more precious than the love of a child? Are greed and no action really what Trinidad wants for itself?
Let my son be the last child to die in Trinidad for lack of caring.
A grieving father, a Trinidadian and someone hopeful for all the remaining children of our country.
Bally Seetaram
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I would just like to say that I fully support the Seetaram family and my heart goes out to them. After reading this I don't even know what to think of TnT anymore. To those who failed to act that nite as well as those who treated Shastri and his family like they did...what can I say other than I hope the shame and the guilt from that nite stay with you. I don't know how you can all live with yourselves after treating people like that. I am trini, and I know first-hand how trinis are proud of our country but really after this how can people still be like that without some kind of doubt in their minds??
TnT is not the same...I'm here right now and I've seen it with my own eyes -- people are too focused on status, materialism and it's not right.
Only God knows what this world is coming to but as I see it, there is too much chaos, too much corruption. People need to think before they act...starting with tnt...do not let pride fool you into ignorance.
--Kelly
To my fellow Trinidadians
Many times, being busy with our normal lives we do not take the time to analyze the day to day importance of living. For me that ended Thursday May 11, 2006 with the death of my only son. I am certainly not the first grieving parent in Trinidad to lose a child to a car accident and poor healthcare but it never hits you until it happen to you.
Not all the facts of my son’s accident are fully understood as of yet, but this is what we do know for sure. The paramedic told my son not to dirty her shirt. Family members to remove valuables because they will be stolen. There was no assessment of the injured, which lead to a delay for my son. The Mount Hope Medical Complex doctor did not speak English and was non-responsive to family questions. Comments that the Doctor was just “shipped in from the Congo” were heard. The hospital personnel told my 17-year-old daughter to hook her own brother to oxygen and connect an IV. Hospital security staff instead of watching the hospital entrance found it more interesting to watch my son scream and die.
When my daughter tried to get additional medical help, the operator told her that “she better hope the connection works” because this is your last operator assisted telephone call. The operator told my daughter that she should have a cell telephone for times like this.
The reason I am writing to you today is to ask each of you to let my son be the last victim of our current system. Between un-enforced speeding, drinking and driving, road rage, poor medical response and slow unprepared trauma support in our hospitals to doctor’s and nurses who fail to practice the one common thread throughout the world of medicine, which is to “do no harm” and save lives. Not acting is the same as doing harm. To say that Trinidad killed my son would not be far from the truth.
My son would be alive today if his accident took place in Canada, the United States, or another Modern City. In Trinidad, you must accept whatever you get. Air lifting a critically injured patient is common practice with professionally trained and equipped staff waiting to offer immediate live saving care. In an emergency, the medical profession does not require permission to keep someone alive or to wait until he begins spitting up blood to consider internal injuries.
In my son’s case. My own daughter was removed from the hospital for trying to insist the staff of Mount Hope Medical Complex do something for my son screaming in agony. They performed a x-ray to ensure a leg was broken but somehow failed to consider internal injuries until he started bleeding from his mouth. I was there so I know.
There have been excuses, explanations offered, and confusion with this or that, but in the end due to no action, I have lost my only son. His death must have meaning and I can accept his sacrifice if we as a country can join the modern world and fix the important issues facing us. Is there anything more precious than the love of a child? Are greed and no action really what Trinidad wants for itself?
Let my son be the last child to die in Trinidad for lack of caring.
A grieving father, a Trinidadian and someone hopeful for all the remaining children of our country.
Bally Seetaram
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I would just like to say that I fully support the Seetaram family and my heart goes out to them. After reading this I don't even know what to think of TnT anymore. To those who failed to act that nite as well as those who treated Shastri and his family like they did...what can I say other than I hope the shame and the guilt from that nite stay with you. I don't know how you can all live with yourselves after treating people like that. I am trini, and I know first-hand how trinis are proud of our country but really after this how can people still be like that without some kind of doubt in their minds??
TnT is not the same...I'm here right now and I've seen it with my own eyes -- people are too focused on status, materialism and it's not right.
Only God knows what this world is coming to but as I see it, there is too much chaos, too much corruption. People need to think before they act...starting with tnt...do not let pride fool you into ignorance.
--Kelly
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Work and the rest of the day, lol
I can't say i LOVE my job...but i like it - always some kinda mischief goin on, good times.
Last shift though, it wasn't too good.
First, the store next door controls our music soo all i heard for 5 hours straight was slow jams. I like slow jams...but that day it was soo obvious someone next door had some serious tabanca. Bad thing? yes because it made me all tabanca-ish by the end of the nite, lol.
Second, saw an ex with his FIANCE...yeh not the best day i ever had. Cuz as much as you're over someone, memories still linger. and with the slow jams and everything...this just wasn't a comfortable situation.
Third, was hit on by an ewww 30-yr old man. WTF??
I told him i wasn't interested....then when he still wouldn't go away i told him he was tooo OLD, lol. yeh, that isn't the greatest thing to hear but he was soo determined...his response to that? "what do u want, a boy by your side or a man to take care of you?"
He just couldn't accept rejection...lol.
yehh...last shift wasn't the greatest..but gotta say work is definitely unique.
Last shift though, it wasn't too good.
First, the store next door controls our music soo all i heard for 5 hours straight was slow jams. I like slow jams...but that day it was soo obvious someone next door had some serious tabanca. Bad thing? yes because it made me all tabanca-ish by the end of the nite, lol.
Second, saw an ex with his FIANCE...yeh not the best day i ever had. Cuz as much as you're over someone, memories still linger. and with the slow jams and everything...this just wasn't a comfortable situation.
Third, was hit on by an ewww 30-yr old man. WTF??
I told him i wasn't interested....then when he still wouldn't go away i told him he was tooo OLD, lol. yeh, that isn't the greatest thing to hear but he was soo determined...his response to that? "what do u want, a boy by your side or a man to take care of you?"
He just couldn't accept rejection...lol.
yehh...last shift wasn't the greatest..but gotta say work is definitely unique.
soo screwed...
WHAT the helll...just wrote my last exam yesterday. Chemistry -- ewwwwww. I passed, jus don't know by how much - yes, it was that bad. To top that, my two finals yesterday seemed to go from bad to worse...jus don't have a good feeling about this.
It's the damn marks that are stressin me .. and really i don't know what to do. I'm soo worried, I wanna go chill and I keep calculating GPA in my head. That's messed up.
Whatever happens is out of my hands now...soo it's time to lime :D
It's the damn marks that are stressin me .. and really i don't know what to do. I'm soo worried, I wanna go chill and I keep calculating GPA in my head. That's messed up.
Whatever happens is out of my hands now...soo it's time to lime :D
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
secrets ...
atleast that's what i heard on seventh heaven the other nite...yes, that's right 7th Heaven. LoL...apparantly if you keep secrets, they can make you sick. That's what the mom told her little twin sons. Now I dunno if it's true or it was just to make them tell her what they knew...but can't take any chances right?
soo three secrets that i can't keep anymore....
1) Im really not too fond of ppl at church...the ones that try and preach to me how they think things should be.
2) I know what I want but just don't know how to get it. Then I think about everything and wonder is that really what i want? So i guess Im still at a point where i dont' wanna settle when there's so much more.
3) It takes time for me to trust someone..if i don't know them i can't bring myself to commit to them...and even tho i don't believe time should state how well you can know someone, i think you should take time before taking any kind of big step... sry Avin, but that was soo unexpected and really, it just wasn't right.
yeah soooo the whole thing about secrets making you sick...i dunno but it's not soo bad to let them go.
soo three secrets that i can't keep anymore....
1) Im really not too fond of ppl at church...the ones that try and preach to me how they think things should be.
2) I know what I want but just don't know how to get it. Then I think about everything and wonder is that really what i want? So i guess Im still at a point where i dont' wanna settle when there's so much more.
3) It takes time for me to trust someone..if i don't know them i can't bring myself to commit to them...and even tho i don't believe time should state how well you can know someone, i think you should take time before taking any kind of big step... sry Avin, but that was soo unexpected and really, it just wasn't right.
yeah soooo the whole thing about secrets making you sick...i dunno but it's not soo bad to let them go.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Jus...wtf?
the more you try to deny something the more it makes you realize how ridiculous it is to even think that it could be possible....
if something is a certain way, who am i to change it?? gotta let it fade on it's own right? even though it may not seem like it's possible right now things are always changing...sooo this is prob. one of them -- who knows.
as much as i'm missing what used to be, I know that if i try to pretend it's not that way it's gonna be worse. BUT if i say yea, i miss it...it's bad too ----see, sometimes there's just no winning LOL.
although that's the case...today was a pretty good day :)
if something is a certain way, who am i to change it?? gotta let it fade on it's own right? even though it may not seem like it's possible right now things are always changing...sooo this is prob. one of them -- who knows.
as much as i'm missing what used to be, I know that if i try to pretend it's not that way it's gonna be worse. BUT if i say yea, i miss it...it's bad too ----see, sometimes there's just no winning LOL.
although that's the case...today was a pretty good day :)
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Karma
I know you all fully know what i'm talkin about. I'm not gonna mention names but i'll just say that trust is very important, it's also very delicate.
There's so much going on but just remember what you do now does not just happen and go away one day it's gonna come back in some form or the other for you -- jus wait and watch. you're young give it time, lol.
There's so much going on but just remember what you do now does not just happen and go away one day it's gonna come back in some form or the other for you -- jus wait and watch. you're young give it time, lol.
soooooooo confused, lol.
at times i'm indecisive... i can be like that up until i know i have to decide, lol. See, now it's one of those times...what do i do??
sooooooo this brings me to a very important place...do i choose to move on to something more or wait and hope that things turn out the way I want them to? because even though life is good it doesn't always give you what you want right?
and esp. when other ppl are involved, they have their own thoughts too, nobody has control of the other sooo then you can't really just wait around and hope that it's all gonna be the way you want...or can you??
cuz see it's just like this.... there are choices you have to make, and from soo much to choose from, when none of the choices are equal and there is one that stands just that much more... and you know that yet the process was still complicated because ....
see what if you choose that something and you're still left unsure...whether it's in or out of reach...
out of four options (a,b,c,d )
say a is better than b, c and even d, how can you just say okay fine , a isn't gonna work soo it's gotta be one of b, c or d?? that's just umm... really it doesn't seem to fit....soo what then ? jus leave it out and go with the rest...wtf?
sooooooo this brings me to a very important place...do i choose to move on to something more or wait and hope that things turn out the way I want them to? because even though life is good it doesn't always give you what you want right?
and esp. when other ppl are involved, they have their own thoughts too, nobody has control of the other sooo then you can't really just wait around and hope that it's all gonna be the way you want...or can you??
cuz see it's just like this.... there are choices you have to make, and from soo much to choose from, when none of the choices are equal and there is one that stands just that much more... and you know that yet the process was still complicated because ....
see what if you choose that something and you're still left unsure...whether it's in or out of reach...
out of four options (a,b,c,d )
say a is better than b, c and even d, how can you just say okay fine , a isn't gonna work soo it's gotta be one of b, c or d?? that's just umm... really it doesn't seem to fit....soo what then ? jus leave it out and go with the rest...wtf?
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
crazy
Brown girls in btown are seriously crazy...if this offends you ...then you must be one of them.
Honestly, if you see a girl with a guy...why must you give them / her cut-eye?? really, does it make you feel better to do this or is it something you do to make you seem jus that much better about yourself and your things to do to make yourself seem cool list for the day?
at work I saw a FRIEND and his girl soo he came over, gave me a hug and said hi...his girl jus walked off to another part of the store, gave me this dirrrty look and didn't talk to him when he went to pay for the clothes he bought her. LOL...honestly that's messed up. if i was his ex, then i could say okay...but really she was jus crazy.
case 2, i was out with some friends at school and we decided to go catch a movie...at the theatre i saw my ex with some friends. In his set of friends was this eww girl who loves him off sooo i thought i'd get her vex...i went over to my ex to say hi and (even though he may very well be the devil ) i gave him a hug LOL :S This girl went all out psycho...i dunno what the hell happened to her but she jus started cussing me out saying that i had no right to be there, or do that which was quite amusing...atleast for me :P
seriously though, brown girls are crazy....not all of us, but most of us. mee...i just like mischief.
Honestly, if you see a girl with a guy...why must you give them / her cut-eye?? really, does it make you feel better to do this or is it something you do to make you seem jus that much better about yourself and your things to do to make yourself seem cool list for the day?
at work I saw a FRIEND and his girl soo he came over, gave me a hug and said hi...his girl jus walked off to another part of the store, gave me this dirrrty look and didn't talk to him when he went to pay for the clothes he bought her. LOL...honestly that's messed up. if i was his ex, then i could say okay...but really she was jus crazy.
case 2, i was out with some friends at school and we decided to go catch a movie...at the theatre i saw my ex with some friends. In his set of friends was this eww girl who loves him off sooo i thought i'd get her vex...i went over to my ex to say hi and (even though he may very well be the devil ) i gave him a hug LOL :S This girl went all out psycho...i dunno what the hell happened to her but she jus started cussing me out saying that i had no right to be there, or do that which was quite amusing...atleast for me :P
seriously though, brown girls are crazy....not all of us, but most of us. mee...i just like mischief.
green tea...this is war.
yes...... wtf indeed, lol. Apparantly this is my kryptonite - who knew? not me...cuz see this past sunday -- Easter sunday -- a good day, a party day for my fam...I decided to end the night with the rest of them having coffee and tea to ward off that stubborn hang over like feeling. Sooo my dad made me some nice green tea :
After drinking a LITTLE bit of the damn green liquid from my lovely tea cup, i started to feel like i was getting some kinda west-sars like virus. lol...it wasn't good. my lip looked like I was in a boxing match sooo i took some benedryl -- gotta love that stuff, tastes like freezies :D
about 15 mins later, my lip was fine but i couldn't breathe soo my dad called telehealth and i had to drink a lot more benedryl while they sent over the paramedics, pretty but not too smart firemen and the cops :S yes, 1am and my street was lit up like christmas.
with all the meds in me, i was soo taken with the lights and soo drowsy I didn't know left from right -- i do remember asking if i could go to the hospital in the squad car tho and NOT the ambulance....the cops said no :( LoL....my mom liked that answer, she said the neighbours didn't need to think i was a criminal or anything.
all in all it was quite interesting...but now i don't feel soo invincible anymore. don't get me wrong, I still AM, but you know....this weakness thing takes getting used to!
Today I got an epi-pen ...apparantly the docs still give out the same line about better to be safe than sorry, lol.
welll thats all for now...i've gotta be on benedryl until tomorrow, sooooo it's taking it's toll..tooo drowsy to cause trouble heheheh.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
song of the day...
King without a Crown by Matisyahu....
honestly, hearing the track the first time i liked it....then I found out about the artist and there was soo much hype surrounding it. Can't say that I heard of him before now, but his music is decent...and I really do like this song. It's cuz of stupid work - they play z103 soo I have these random songs stuck in my head but i'm okay with this one :)
Gotta say, never thought i'd hear reggae from a Jewish rabbai looking dude but it's all good LOL.
:D
Yeah, J.C. is my homeboy too :D
The next two weeks are probably the most religious weeks for Christians...or they're thought to be. It's the ending of the lenten season...Easter time.
See, during lent...40 days and nights , people give up something they like or something that tempts them in their life - they do this in memory of Jesus. In his time, Jesus went into the forest for 40 days and nights where he was tempted by the devil but didn't give in.
Next week, it's palm sunday...the week of JC's return to Jerusalem where he was then captured and crucified - He died for our sins on what we now know as Easter.
It's different this time of year...going to church seems to have a purpose or maybe it's just not so mundane. There's a certain process to follow and it's always memorable.
well, with that said...gotta get back to some hmwk :)
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
dreams can be sooo real sometimes...ppl say there's a line between reality and illusion but rarely we get caught in that part that's undefined...when that happens and you dream those dreams, it just can't be described.
they can be good or bad -- but nonetheless confusing.....I had this dream and I didn't even know I was asleep. It was a dream where if you knew you were asleep you wouldn't want to wake up, but then when i did wake up nothing could take away the sadness i felt, realizing it wasn't real.
so confusing yet still so clear..what the hell? lol...anyyyyway i'm off to work --fun times :D
they can be good or bad -- but nonetheless confusing.....I had this dream and I didn't even know I was asleep. It was a dream where if you knew you were asleep you wouldn't want to wake up, but then when i did wake up nothing could take away the sadness i felt, realizing it wasn't real.
so confusing yet still so clear..what the hell? lol...anyyyyway i'm off to work --fun times :D
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
......
...there's soo much hype about the da vinci code right? soo i thought i'd go out and get the book cuz really i like hype - that's my word! lol...and i like all the biblical conspiracies and everything. BUT when it goes too far like CONSTANTINE and leaves me with about a month's worth of sleepless nites - i don't like that too much, lol. Did the da vinci code do that?? i dunno cuz i bought ANGELS & DEMONS instead. You'd think from the name i'd be a lil put off, but noooooo i'm brave yo...i'm gangsta today, lol. So, basically i bought this book, came home and started to read it...by page 5 i didn't think i could read it when i was home alone...soo it's underneath my kitchen table, covered by a cloth because really i don't think it should be exposed to daylight...i dunno - just a feeling, lol. IT's SCARY !! TRUST ME...and the 5 pages I read :D
I think i'll read a little later, for now i'm back to blogging and msn n whatnot...
ooo and even though it's a scary book or a thriller as they say, i'm not scared - just so you know, lol.
I think i'll read a little later, for now i'm back to blogging and msn n whatnot...
ooo and even though it's a scary book or a thriller as they say, i'm not scared - just so you know, lol.
what now, hmm?
sooooooooo it's def. been some time, lol. BUT i'm back..back to the blog - gotta do something with all this time off from school. Honestly what's up with this strike? Yes, I really do want to go back to school...it's something to do with all the time in the day, keeps things interesting etc. I'll admit i wanted this strike...from day one when I heard rumours of a strike I swear to God I prayed for a break, lol. But now, it's just gone on for soo long, i like change and this is just soo not new anymore :S The excitement is gone, the sparks have dissapeared :P hehehh..seriously, now it's all soo different...i'm home, but I don't have all the free time - I GOT A JOB : I know...really, I know - a job?? who gets a job these days? ok, who gets a job if they're like me, LOL. honestly my line was "working isn't in my destiny yet" AND now i have to say "yes, I do work" it's not as much fun with the reactions i get from ppl, lol.
Anyway...now I work at the Bluenotes outlet up in Btown - soo much fun I dunno why i didn't work there before! heheh..it's not bad but honestly it is work. When ppl say it's nothing...i try and hold myself back cuz when you see how crazy girls are when they shop...turning over every damn piece of clothing in the store to find a size that isn't there in the first place - it's pure stress because you know you're the one who has to clean up when the store closes LOL.
atleast i'm getting paid for my troubles :D
Anyway...now I work at the Bluenotes outlet up in Btown - soo much fun I dunno why i didn't work there before! heheh..it's not bad but honestly it is work. When ppl say it's nothing...i try and hold myself back cuz when you see how crazy girls are when they shop...turning over every damn piece of clothing in the store to find a size that isn't there in the first place - it's pure stress because you know you're the one who has to clean up when the store closes LOL.
atleast i'm getting paid for my troubles :D
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
8AM chem labs
it was just orientation... and i know first impressions are important but i was 5 mins late. when i walked in, the prof checked our lab sign in sheet (with pictures) and says now she knows my name. Really, i was still tired soo i coulnd't care less..just wanted to find a work station at the back and snooze thru the lecture on where to find everything. See, i had a bio lab the day before and for the first week it was all about where things were located in the lab - why go? i just luv waking up at 5:30 and catching the go bus, lol.
Next, the prof started to talk about some mystery substance...wrote something on the board and was asking us to guess. Games in chem?? who knew...lol
nobody really said anything soo she went on to give us clues...
1)more men handle this than women
2)it can be stored in your home
3)it's a universal lubricant
yeah see, after clue 3 i snickered soo she just shot me this look and said "Kelly, i don't know what's funny, but i'm talking about WD40!"
LOL..and those clues fit that?? pls i know i wasn't the only one thinking of something else hehehe - fun times.
Next, the prof started to talk about some mystery substance...wrote something on the board and was asking us to guess. Games in chem?? who knew...lol
nobody really said anything soo she went on to give us clues...
1)more men handle this than women
2)it can be stored in your home
3)it's a universal lubricant
yeah see, after clue 3 i snickered soo she just shot me this look and said "Kelly, i don't know what's funny, but i'm talking about WD40!"
LOL..and those clues fit that?? pls i know i wasn't the only one thinking of something else hehehe - fun times.
Friday, January 13, 2006
one day
I was gonna write about school - see, i finally went back on monday and after waking up at 530AM for chem and bio labs during the week AND taking the go bus, i was ready to blog non-stop BUT in one minute soo much can change.
Tonite i found out that someone i know - my lil cousin's best friend is going through something I can't help them with. He's sick, and they say his time's limited, treatment's not working. That just changed my whole attitude..nothing mattered about my week anymore because all I could think about since then is what can I do...there has to be something, maybe I just can't think of it yet.
this friend is like family too, so it's just not easy.
I keep thinking if I knew I only had a couple days left, what would I do? I know i'd spend my time with fam.& friends, but that's a given. I don't know how else to answer this question and i keep trying because I wanna know what he's going through, but i can't seem to find any other answers.
I know it's rough on my cousin...I've been through this. I hope that this doesn't end the same way though.
In gr. 9 I lost two friends - Ryan and Jen. '99 wasn't a good year, so much changed after that.
Today when i got the bad news, all those old memories just came rushing back to me, all the days gone by.
It's said that it gets easier with time but all time does is allow you to contemplate your circumstance and try to understand. In the end, all we have are memories.
Until something drastic happens, everyone lives their life so wrapped up, or kept away. it's so pointless because life is a journey, so why not take chances sometimes, and live in the moments those chances create? how you live your life is your own choice but what would you do if you only had one more day?
Tonite i found out that someone i know - my lil cousin's best friend is going through something I can't help them with. He's sick, and they say his time's limited, treatment's not working. That just changed my whole attitude..nothing mattered about my week anymore because all I could think about since then is what can I do...there has to be something, maybe I just can't think of it yet.
this friend is like family too, so it's just not easy.
I keep thinking if I knew I only had a couple days left, what would I do? I know i'd spend my time with fam.& friends, but that's a given. I don't know how else to answer this question and i keep trying because I wanna know what he's going through, but i can't seem to find any other answers.
I know it's rough on my cousin...I've been through this. I hope that this doesn't end the same way though.
In gr. 9 I lost two friends - Ryan and Jen. '99 wasn't a good year, so much changed after that.
Today when i got the bad news, all those old memories just came rushing back to me, all the days gone by.
It's said that it gets easier with time but all time does is allow you to contemplate your circumstance and try to understand. In the end, all we have are memories.
Until something drastic happens, everyone lives their life so wrapped up, or kept away. it's so pointless because life is a journey, so why not take chances sometimes, and live in the moments those chances create? how you live your life is your own choice but what would you do if you only had one more day?
Friday, January 06, 2006
can't be late twice...
or so my dad tells me when i'm rushing out of the house to go chill with friends or family, lol. Christmas Eve was one such time...my brother and I had sooo much last minute shopping to do soo decided to spend some quality family time together and go brave the crazy mall crowds together. I was so stressed out that day. First of all, I only had 4 hours sleep the previous nite because we went clubbing with cousins and friends (why? seemed like the thing to do at the time, lol) and on top of that i had soo much to do -- shop, then go get groceries, buy liquor and come home and build a gingerbread house.
Really whoever invented that friggin gingerbread house-biulding activity set had to be on some kinda crack, lol. After HOURS at the mall, I was sooooooo tired - just wanted to come home and relax but noooooooooooo had to build the damn house. WHY?? I have two little sisters and I love them so had to do it for them.
I may seem bitter in this re-telling..i probably was but they didn't know that, lol.
The stupid icing wouldn't make the gingerbread stick together! my brother and I had to hold the pieces in place forever - FOREVER until it finally wouldnt move. in the end the house looked decent. but after it all, we were all satisfied with how it turned out, and christmas eve turned out to be a good nite. and just in case u were wondering ... yes - milk and cookies were left out for SANTA, LOL.
Really whoever invented that friggin gingerbread house-biulding activity set had to be on some kinda crack, lol. After HOURS at the mall, I was sooooooo tired - just wanted to come home and relax but noooooooooooo had to build the damn house. WHY?? I have two little sisters and I love them so had to do it for them.
I may seem bitter in this re-telling..i probably was but they didn't know that, lol.
The stupid icing wouldn't make the gingerbread stick together! my brother and I had to hold the pieces in place forever - FOREVER until it finally wouldnt move. in the end the house looked decent. but after it all, we were all satisfied with how it turned out, and christmas eve turned out to be a good nite. and just in case u were wondering ... yes - milk and cookies were left out for SANTA, LOL.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
2006
Happy New Year!! Yeahhhhh finally some new days..time to move on from the days gone by, remember the times last year and try and build on that.
There was soo much suffering in the world last year but atleast people came together and tried to help out as much as they could. Not everyone did, but the ones that did should serve as inspiration for the rest.
soo it's 130 and i'm online...Jan 1st 2006! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAT, lol.
I just wanna start the year right, let you all know how much you mean to me. Really, that's what life's all about. Family, friends - the ching crew, lol.
I hope this year is successful and bright for you all.
ok, this break is over ... time to get back to my Bacardi 75 proof (happy new year indeed!) :D
yes..i know it's an old pic, but i don't have another one with everyone LOL.
There was soo much suffering in the world last year but atleast people came together and tried to help out as much as they could. Not everyone did, but the ones that did should serve as inspiration for the rest.
soo it's 130 and i'm online...Jan 1st 2006! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAT, lol.
I just wanna start the year right, let you all know how much you mean to me. Really, that's what life's all about. Family, friends - the ching crew, lol.
I hope this year is successful and bright for you all.
ok, this break is over ... time to get back to my Bacardi 75 proof (happy new year indeed!) :D
yes..i know it's an old pic, but i don't have another one with everyone LOL.
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