Ryan Gonnella

I can't sleep...keep thinking bout days gone by and just can't stop the reminiscing tonite. Three friends gone, still hurts...can't describe it but it's not good. I know it's pointless to ask why and i'd like to think I believe that all things happen for a reason soo I've stopped asking why. Now, I'm past that...but i can't see myself getting over the guilt. I'm here and they're not - how is that right? I dont know.
Lately Ryan's been on my mind..everything reminds me in some way of him. I had a dream and it felt like I was living through his funeral all over again. I remember how he looked, dressed in his soccer uniform...I just wanted him to wake up.
The hardest part was when I was at the viewing...his Grandma saw how afraid i was to move from his side and she asked me if I still thought he was cute. Those words shattered me and I didn't even know what was real anymore.

Seven Years this year and it still makes me cry. People say time heals the pain..it doesn't heal, just becomes more like an acceptance that you can't change it, you have to live with it.

I still miss him, and know I will til my end. I know I'll see him again though and really that's what drives me.
Every first day of school, every special event in my life I think of how it would be if Ryan was still here. Nobody knows just how much I would give just to have had 5 mins more with him.

That's why I am the way I am..I dont' waste time..it's not guaranteed. Nothing in this life is guaranteed except death.
I've lost too many people I care about, so when I see people hesitate to live life the way they want to, or to say things they're holding inside I cannot understand it. Maybe I don't want to understand but if life is so short, why let time go?

it's crazy to think this was all set off by seeing a picture...but it's so true a picture really is worth a thousand words :)


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