What I did today...

I was in a bad mood today, lol. To start off, i didn't sleep well last nite - that's really the worst thing to go through for me because i love my sleep!
Stayed home, cleaned the house and just didn't do much of anything. I was supposed to go into work at 5 but caught a vapse and at 1230 I went in and quit. Just like that it was all over. I wasn't sad that I wouldn't be working there anymore...honestly I had enough. Sooo yeah, now i'm unemployed and looking for another job.

That's the way it goes sometimes...I like change. When things just stay the same for too long, it becomes too routine :(

Atleast now i'll have time for the blog, LoL.

i'm sorry

It's just a word, but right now it's all I can say to show you that I realise I was wrong. You told me think twice but I couldn't see as far as you could. I know now but it's already passed. I didn't want to think things would happen like this, but they did and I am sorry.

When things happen ppl have soo many lines... things happen for a reason, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, not knowing is far worse...the list goes on and on.

I know you'll see this, and maybe this will help ease things. Maybe I was the wrong one, but I stand by my decision...dont think I put you last, it wasn't like that.
I was stubborn. I know this now but it doesn't change much. The last conversation we had was just not good at all. Walking away was hard, but it was what I had to do.
I dont like this tension, been through too much to leave it like that but if things have to be like this then there's nothing more I can do.

Just wanted you to know..and this was the only way.

Work

It gives me something to focus on, and when I get paid it seems all worth it. But sometimes all is not as it seems, lol.
I really want to quit my job... it's lost it's luster, I don't feel like I'm doing anything worthwhile and really I just can't understand why I'm still there.

Every shift i have, I just dont' feel like going in...
I made up my mind to quit 2 weeks ago, but somehow it didn't happen. LoL...i thought i'd be fine working til school started back but now I know I can't deal with this job anymore. Too bad I have a shift tomorrow evening. I know it's right to give two weeks notice soo i'll have to stick it out for a little while longer. I honestly have no clue how i'm gonna do that but i'll get through it somehow. Atleast i think i will ... would it be soo bad if I just quit, no two weeks notice?? Because that really would be the best thing for me, really really dont like it there :S

Ryan Gonnella

I can't sleep...keep thinking bout days gone by and just can't stop the reminiscing tonite. Three friends gone, still hurts...can't describe it but it's not good. I know it's pointless to ask why and i'd like to think I believe that all things happen for a reason soo I've stopped asking why. Now, I'm past that...but i can't see myself getting over the guilt. I'm here and they're not - how is that right? I dont know.
Lately Ryan's been on my mind..everything reminds me in some way of him. I had a dream and it felt like I was living through his funeral all over again. I remember how he looked, dressed in his soccer uniform...I just wanted him to wake up.
The hardest part was when I was at the viewing...his Grandma saw how afraid i was to move from his side and she asked me if I still thought he was cute. Those words shattered me and I didn't even know what was real anymore.

Seven Years this year and it still makes me cry. People say time heals the pain..it doesn't heal, just becomes more like an acceptance that you can't change it, you have to live with it.

I still miss him, and know I will til my end. I know I'll see him again though and really that's what drives me.
Every first day of school, every special event in my life I think of how it would be if Ryan was still here. Nobody knows just how much I would give just to have had 5 mins more with him.

That's why I am the way I am..I dont' waste time..it's not guaranteed. Nothing in this life is guaranteed except death.
I've lost too many people I care about, so when I see people hesitate to live life the way they want to, or to say things they're holding inside I cannot understand it. Maybe I don't want to understand but if life is so short, why let time go?

it's crazy to think this was all set off by seeing a picture...but it's so true a picture really is worth a thousand words :)


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Happy 22nd

I'm prob. a lil bit late....but jus wanted to say Happy Birthday to a very special friend! umm 6 letters, starts with a K..ends with R -- Happy birthday!

Ki's bday

arite...soo it's jus past 4am and really I can't sleep. Tonight was Ki's annual bday celebration, but see those plans ended soo early! wtf...it's like things were off from the start, lol -- the limo was LATE, then when we got in...lets jus say Ki went a lil bit over his limit and we got kicked out :|
It's the first time i was kicked out of a club...prob. wont be the last but I was really really looking forward to clubbin tonite. Right now I have a headache...u know, the juice can do that LoL... too tired to write more, not tired enough to be sleepy :S
I didn't even get to wine up on anything! lol...Ki, this year your task is to build up resistance!!

Happy Birthday...hope u remember something, lol.