Early Morning Epiphany

I'm up on 2/3 hours of sleep this morning and when I say MORNING i mean the sun just found it's place in the sky, birds are chirping, it is BRIGHT as a moth- lol...clearly mornings aren't always my best times. Some mornings = amazing. This morning however, I'm moody and isolated soo it's not living up to it's potential as a great morning lol. This morning is one of those where all that bright, sunshining goodness is making me want to knock that chirping, happy bird out of its tree with a rock lol.

Even with it being a lack-lustre morning, I just had this epiphany of sorts. I admitted that I like to run away from my problems*
See the star/symbol thingy after the word problems? Yes? Good. That means I'm going to clarify so don't be so quick to judge, speed racer - let me explain.

Ok, first thing - I like change, more than that, I need change at times. Just so I can prove to myself that yeah, change is inevitable BUT it won't scare me when it's important life altering things that are happening.
Second, if I'm not ready to deal with something, I need to distance myself from it until I can clearly think about whatever it is. If I don't take that break, the frustration at the situation over-takes my rationalizing power and that's just never good.

**OK so back to the epiphany. I was talking..no I was conversing online with a friend and jokingly said I was going to run from my probs...the issue in that was that joking or not, I wanted to run.
Perhaps I am just not ready to deal with reality...perhaps I am but am too comfortable to move.
Perhaps I've overused the word 'perhaps'. Who knows?

Well I'll tell you what I do know (a lot)... only God can judge me...so if I choose to run away from my problems for this moment or a few moments, days, weeks, months...lol The point is, if I choose to run, I choose to run. He'll eventually get me back on track, right? After all, Jesus is my homeboy and homies don't let other homies run forever lol.

Yeah, it's still really early for me...let's make that the explanation for this "post" :)

Anger

It's like a force of nature...takes over and that's it.
I'm so angry right now and the trigger was something so stupid. I'm angry that I reacted so quickly and that a few words could make me feel so obsolete. It might be more hurt than anger...yet it's the anger that's consuming me.

ANGER...it's funny how my mom's name starts with those first 3 letters lol. I'm implying nothing, just stating the obvious about the letter placement :)

That was a fake text smiley face. Yes, fake because I'm so angry right now I'm not really feeling smiley. I only added it so that if by chance my mother comes across this rambling, I can get myself out of trouble and say 'see, the smiley face means it's a joke' and hope for the best lol.

Ok, I'm done...for now.

p.s. I'm back in the blogosphere..whatever. I'm back, I'm not back...world still turns lol.