Another Chapter

I'm in a writing mood. I think I want to write a book...yes, a REAL book.

So much has happened in the past couple weeks, and although I'm stronger because of it, it still lingers on my mind.

It will always matter and I won't lose faith or hope because I know one day things will be okay..but for now, it is what it is.

I've learned from it and it's made me stronger, maybe others can learn from it to.

For the first couple days I was all about 'trust no one' and 'don't get attached' but you know what? It's not worth it to be like that. We live and we learn and if we don't fall down every once in a while, how can we learn to pick ourselves up and move on?

Life is like ...a box of chocolates? LOL no, seriously Life is constant. It will be there whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, so why put up a front and play games? Just say hello to life and start your journey.

the four letter word..

no, please don't guess! lol..because more times than none people are inclined to think of the bad word rather than something simple and light.

The word is LOVE. For such a small word, it carries a big meaning.

Why is it in this day and age, that we cannot express our feelings? It's like it's become a moot point to really say how we feel...as if society will judge us unfairly if we express ourselves.
Don't get me wrong, society makes us into who we are BUT when will we stop worrying about what others think and do what is right for ourselves?

We live in a world where we are always under scrutiny and the world seems to be in constant fear of emotional expression. WHY? Where is that fear going to get you? Other than keeping simple feelings inside and not having the people you care about know? That's not such a big deal...or is it? I think it is.

For me, I could care less what other people think. Life is NOT guaranteed...the only guarantee we have is that death will come for us. When? We have no clue.
I won't live in fear because like I've said: if you live in fear, fear will live in you.
That's no kind of life to have.

Love...such a simple word yet people run for the hills when they hear it.
I'm not afraid of this word...yes, it takes me time to be able to say it BUT when I can say it to someone, they should know it's because they have my trust.

I love my sisters, my brother, my parents, my aunts, uncles, cousins...and I love my friends, just like they were family.
I even loved my ex...see he turned out to be a jerk so now I shouldn't love him BUT that's beside the point.
No, I don't believe love goes away but it can stop growing if you turn your back on it.

Love is one word with a thousand meanings. The meaning is different with every situation you find yourself in and it's up to you to know the difference.

Why should we be afraid of that?

Old people ask the question 'what is wrong with today's world' without expecting an answer...
but I'll tell you what's wrong!
Our younger generations are too pre-occupied with garnering other's approval that they stop thinking for themselves.
Yes we live in a world that's different , the unacceptable has become acceptable and vice versa...I'm not here to judge, only God can do that. For me, I'll live my life as best as I can so in the end I'll enter those pearly gates. All you can do is live yours how you know is right for you.
The youth today grow up thinking it's ok to be so judgemental - it's NOT.
That's the reason our world is falling apart. Stop analyzing others and look at yourself! Don't let someone's else's reaction determine your own.
Our generation is too smart to let things happen this way.

I can go on and on...but for now I'm gonna stop before I hulk-smash something.

November...

Who remembers October? I'd like to say not me...and in a way that would be true. I don't remember the month going by, I remember turning 24 - thinking life was good. Then as soon as that thought came, life just knocked me off my game and turned everything I knew as good...well life just turned the tables on me. Now, it's November and I'm here trying to figure out where the hell did time put everything I had?

24!

happy birthday to an old friend...no pun intended!
Just a special friend that I go wayyyyyyy back with. Been almost 10 years?
I swear we used to get into so much trouble together, lol. I remember chem class and being kicked out for playing cards, then having lunch detention and getting kicked out of there too...for playing cards ...such a rebel lol. Then there was the last semester of high school where our schedules matched...up to night school...fun times.

Time can really fly...but don't worry, I won't forget you ;)

I am who I am...

Yes, biblical times are on my mind..well just a biblical quote.
Chances are good that you've heard of the ten commandments? Even if your religion doesn't follow them, you've heard of them. There've been a few movies over the past decades about the commandments. I know I've seen the movies but can't remember them...what I can remember is the part where 'God' says "I am that I am" in response to Moses asking God's name.
That's always stayed with me, that line.
Over time as I grew up, I realized I am who I am.
In 24 years, I've seen a lot in my life. These experiences have made me who I am and even though there've been some tragedies, I'd like to believe this was all supposed to be.

I've learned never to hold back, always live life to the fullest.
If you have something to say, why keep it inside? Where will that get you?
We have one life, this one...so why not make the most of it?

I've come to realise that time waits for no one. Your perfect life today can be turned upside down tomorrow so why should you not capitalize on every moment you have now?

If tomorrow never comes, have you done enough today to let those close to you know how much they mean? Maybe they don't care to know but the real question is do you care that they know?

I am who I am, and I don't waste time. Yes, it may take me a while to trust but once I do and a connection is formed, trust me you'll know :)
I used to be so afraid of that but now, I could care less...life's too short.

People say never have regrets, but you know what..there will be things you do that you really can't change but wish you could. Maybe it's not a regret but it is something you look back on ruefully. As it is, every minute that goes by is one less minute you have to live.

I believe you have two choices in life:
1) be a player in the game of life or
2) watch from the sidelines as life passes you by.

The choice is ours to make...and everyone will choose what suits them, the key is never to change your choice to fit someone elses.

REALLY...you've gotta be you because if you were me, you wouldnt be you! Lol...

back to basics

It seems like I've got a few too many posts about how I've returned to my blog but realllyyyyy now..this time I have come back after almost a 2 year hiatus.
That's a long time...but doesn't matter, I'm back :) Over time I tried to start another blog but this is where it's at, gotta stick with it.

2 years...wow, I would say time flew by but really, there were moments where time seemed to crawl along.

I started a new job back in december'06. I'm not a stickler for working, but this job was awesome. I met soo many people that really became part of my life. People say things happen for a reason and if you're religious you can take it a step further and say that God has a plan for us all and everything that happens in life is supposed to happen for reasons only He knows.
I've come to accept that and the more I think about it, I know it's true for me.

As I was saying, I met some amazing people...I even made a best friend. It was like I found another version of myself. Her morals and values were just like mine and I could be myself with her. Over the past year, she became such a good friend, she knew me well. Whenever I was undecided about anything, I could always just tell her about the situation and she'd know what to do. I always thought to myself that I would do anything I could for this friend because she is so important to me.

Now, time's passed and change has come. My friend has moved away to follow her dreams, and I am here trying to build my dream. We're not in contact but I hope that one day we'll fix that.
REALLY...if the spice girls could re-unite, there's definitely hope for me and my friend...or my friend and I.
See, it was like she's Posh and I'm Ginger...or maybe she's Ginger and I'm Posh..point is, we're both stubborn and when we're crossed by someone, that's it.
I guess I did something wrong or overstepped my bounds and our friendship was put aside. And I AM sorry for whatever it was that happened.

It's rough, because now I feel as though I have lost this friend forever..
We all know, when you lose something you tend to look until you can't anymore or you find it.

Well, I know my friend and she knows me...so I know that one day we'll be okay. We've been through so much together and it's like anything reminds me of her which is good, I would never want to forget her and I hope she does not forget about me.
Everything takes time..and sometimes things happen in life so that we can be stronger and learn to survive.


Oh...and it's weird how things work...when one person goes out of your life, another walks in...
Well, God...if I have to lose this best friend to gain an old friend...NO...umm I mean no thank you.
Please, no... :)

So, now i'm back and although time's not the best right now, I have hope... and you know, hope rhymes with cope soo we'll see how that goes.